


Catharsis

by MooncatEclipse (Wolfgrowl)



Series: Wondrous Tails Bingo Event [7]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: AU where the Vault happens like Square says it did, Four Lords Questline (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, Haurchefant Greystone Angst, I didn't know that was a tag I don't use it often, I hate tagging it like that he's still in love with Haurchefant but, One-sided Suzaku/Tenzin (Final Fantasy XIV), Past Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfgrowl/pseuds/MooncatEclipse
Summary: Rare is the person who has experienced the exact same grief you have, and it is not as though you would wish the experience on someone. Nijoh'ir and Suzaku take solace in the company of one who has known the same loss.
Relationships: Suzaku & Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)
Series: Wondrous Tails Bingo Event [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670677
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> For the Prompt: Comforting Each Other.
> 
> (If you are the one person who has written WoL/Suzaku fic I'm sorry for your suffering that is a hell of a rare pair and this is strictly platonic).

Nijoh’ir stared out at the sea, the wind tried to blow his hair back but the buffet of air from Suzaku’s wings smacked into his back, warm and dry a sharp contrast to the cool ocean spray.

“It is good to see you again,” Suzaku’s voice was always so musical, Nijoh’ir loved the Firebird’s trill, his fingers itched to grab his lute, to find the notes that would catch the same melody, the haunting loss hidden in the beautiful song bird notes.

But not today, and not without talking to her first.

“It’s good to come back,” he turned his head to look at her, to smile but it was strained, but then when isn’t it? He and Suzaku share a grief and when they come out of the temple, wander the beach where the pirates and Kojin don’t tread, they don’t do so for small talk.

They say the Firebird is reborn from its ashes and someday Nijoh’ir would love to do that. But to be ashes, one must first burn down.

One of them will break it first, the peaceful silence, the question is simply who. Which one of them needs this least right now?

It is Suzaku who finally prompts Nijoh’ir, the firebird landing in the sand next to him, her warm beak nosing through his hair, “what happened?”

Nijoh’ir’s breath is rough as he looks out at the sea, as though unable to face her, “it’s my brother.”

“Ra?” Suzaku let out a soft trill, “you need to bring him by again, we liked him the time we met him.”

Nijoh’ir nodded, “I ought to. It’s just…” He let out a rough breath, “I feel like a terrible person for this but I’m jealous.” He reached over to gently stroke Suzaku’s feathers, they were warm to the touch but didn’t burn.

“So, you know how Amasar is an Au Ra, and they live on the Azim Steppe near here?”

Suzaku nodded, she regarded him silently, willing to listen to the man who reminded her so much of Tenzin, and also of herself. She knew if she waited, he would continue his story, and Nijoh’ir appreciated the chance to gather his thoughts.

“Well, uh, there’s this tribe that believes in Soulmates. That there’s someone out there who is their other half. Like most kind of grow out of it but some still believe it and the leader is one and he looked at Ra and said he thought Ra was his soulmate, if Ra thought that he was Ra’s.”

“Oh Nijoh’ir.” Suzaku nuzzled her beak into his hair, “he said yes, of course.”

“Of course, and he’s Ra’s dream come true, like yeah he’s a bit arrogant, but he’s devoted, and romantic, and looks at Ra like he’s-” Nijoh’ir’s laugh was bitter, “so openly, you know, the way we used to look. And I’m so happy for him, he’s so happy but then I- Gods, I miss him.”

“I wish I could tell you that it gets easier,” Suzaku replied softly, “unfortunately, you saw what became of me. Wallowing in my guilt so deeply that it blinded me to the truth.”

Nijoh’ir’s ears flattened, “like Tiamat.” He swallowed and spoke louder, “and yeah, I don’t want to dwell in how much it hurts because like, there were good times! There were great times! Haurchefant was wonderful and he always made me smile and I know that’s what he’d want, hells that was his dying words, that he wanted to see me smile and I-“ Nijoh’ir cut off to rub at his eyes, tears running down his face despite his best efforts.

“Tenzin was much the same,” Suzaku reflected, allowing Nijoh’ir to gather himself, “always so eager to make others happy, to see those he loved happy.” She let out a sad note, Nijoh’ir tried to say something, but his throat was too tight to get words out. “He loved us all so dearly, to see us happy brought him the greatest happiness. I miss seeing him enjoy that happiness, it makes being happy harder.”

“Yeah,” Nijoh’ir’s voice was still tight but he swallowed again and managed, “that’s… a good way to put it. Like there’s times I’m genuinely happy, and I don’t feel guilty about those, but other times, it just doesn’t fit right anymore. Like it’s not genuine.”

“It’s not the way you remember it,” Suzaku mused, Nijoh’ir nodded as she continued, “like there’s a hole in your chest, and the piece that goes there fits but it’s not the right shape or size anymore.”

“Like a song,” Nijoh’ir agreed, “But it’s slower than you remember, and the notes are different in places and you don’t dance to it anymore.”

Suzaku nodded in agreement, “regret is a heavy burden to bear.”

Nijoh’ir bent down to grab a rock from among the sand and rubbed it between his fingers to feel how smooth and flat it was before he hurled it, he and Suzaku watching as it skipped across the tides, ripples swallowed almost instantly by the waves before it sank below the surface.

“Had I met you sooner,” Suzaku murmured, “perhaps I would’ve been able to prevent you from bearing this burden as well.”

Nijoh’ir’s ears twitched in acknowledgement before he heaved a sigh, “had you met me then would you have helped? You would’ve been lost in the uh, air-uh-”

“Aramitama,” Suzaku said gently, Nijoh’ir nodded, “yeah that. And I don’t know that I would’ve been strong enough then to help you. Probably would’ve lost to Byakko to be honest, long before they could’ve asked me to help you.” Nijoh’ir swallowed hard, “We’ve got enough regret for the lives we’ve led Suzaku, let’s not add in the ones we didn’t.”

“Well said hero,” the firebird bowed her head slightly, “well said indeed.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have joked a couple time that Nijoh'ir and Suzaku meet up for therapy but I do genuinely like the idea of them bonding because they have the exact same trauma, of watching the man they loved, the first man to see them and appreciate them for who they were, die before them, unable to do anything.
> 
> This also mentions Nijoh'ir's brother Ra and spoils a major part of his arc but ah whatever. Ra hasn't come up in any of the other stories I've published but he's Nijoh'ir's closest sibling and I love him dearly.


End file.
